In the middle of labour, it can be hard to remember the advice you read during pregnancy. A useful role for a birth partner is much simpler than a long list of techniques: listen, check what is wanted and help make it happen where you can.
These prompts are for any chosen support person. For conversations to have beforehand, see preparing for the birth-partner role.
Begin by checking in
Try a question that is easy to answer: “Would you like my hand?”, “Would quieter help?” or “Shall I ask the midwife?” Offer one choice at a time rather than several suggestions at once. If talking is unwelcome, stay nearby in the way you agreed.
Do not assume that silence means everything is fine, or that making sound means someone has lost control. Listen to what the person tells you. If something concerns either of you, involve the care team rather than trying to interpret it yourself.
Offer familiar comfort
A familiar phrase or touch may be welcome, but preferences can change. Ask before massage or other touch, and stop promptly when asked. If a technique you practised does not help now, you do not need to persist with it.
You might offer to adjust a pillow, find a charger, reduce an unwanted sound or ask staff about a comfortable position. Check with the team about food, drink, movement or other measures when clinical circumstances affect what is appropriate. Being useful often means handling a small practical task, not introducing another exercise.
Breathe alongside, if invited
If the person wants a breathing reminder, keep your own breathing comfortable and let them decide whether to follow. You do not need to count loudly, insist on eye contact or correct their technique. A cue that felt good at home may not feel right in labour.
Pause an audio session when staff need to communicate. You can also ask whether the person wants it turned off entirely. The recording is there to serve them, not to set the pace of the room.
Choose honest words
“I am here”, “I am listening” and “We can ask for help” can offer support without making a promise. Avoid telling someone how much longer it will be unless the care team has provided that information, or telling them that pain is harmless.
Encouragement should not become pressure to decline pain relief, continue a technique or stay positive. If they ask for pain relief or a change of plan, take the request seriously and help communicate it. Their wishes matter more than an earlier expectation.
Help with communication
A partner can remind the team of a preference, ask for a term to be explained or help ensure a question has been heard. Keep the person giving birth involved rather than answering for them without agreement.
Useful prompts include: “Could you explain the recommendation?”, “They would like to ask something” and “Could we talk about comfort options?” If you notice distress or have a concern, say so clearly. Asking for help is part of support.
Take care of your own steadiness
Notice when you need food, water, the bathroom or a brief break, and arrange this without leaving someone unsupported. You do not have to hide every feeling, but find appropriate help for your own anxiety rather than making the labouring person manage it.
There is no perfect performance required. Return to the person in front of you: what are they asking for now, and who can help?
Further reading and listening
The NHS guide for birth partners offers further practical information. Before birth, the Premium Partner’s Voice Guide can help you explore tone and language, while Holding Space Together focuses on presence and support.